Respite

This digital journal encompasses the wandering thoughts of an older man in search of something. There is no known destination of this thought process. I just know that this process is necessary if for no other reason than following a voice that eggs me on. I only hope that the voice radiates from the soul and not from an ego’s thirst. Which brings me to this respite. A pause to look backwards to affirm that my journey is one of integrity, not the meandering thoughts of a disgruntled older man faced with perceived slights and disappointments.

So much of my life has been dedicated to the challenges of the ego in a Western world. Accomplishments to achieve, boxes checked, ghosts to confront, my own personal brand manager in a world that measures one by public stature. A solitary man with individualistic goals linked to economic and familial responsibilities. For these I am not ashamed. The question that harkens this pause is whether this journey is nothing more than a continuation of my decades-old climb, or is it different?

I embrace my individualism, my growing propensity to ignore the opinions and suggestions of others. My embrace of solitary courage propels me forward. But in a society that appears to be decaying from an epidemic of narcissism, am I only adding to the rotting smell? Is the ultimate purpose of this personal discourse to make me feel better or is it to make me feel even less comfortable with the knowledge that my purpose in life is the voice I really hear. Not a selfish purpose of artistic and economic accolades, rather a worldly purpose of giving, caring, and connection? Is this a journey up the second mountain as posited by David Brooks?

I have no expectation of achieving the stature of the wise old sage, one who dispenses with messages of wisdom that others cheer. In fact, I am fine if no one hears my voice. But will others feel my presence and be better for it? Will I give more than I take? Will the struggles that seed my growth provide shade to those who are less fortunate? Will my ears be what I’m known for, not a mouth that adds to the noise of others wanting to be heard? This is the measuring stick of my journey, and I must take care to constantly use it to stay on the right path. So, I continue.