I Had To Go There

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I’ve been dreading going down this path but I have no choice. When you consider the exploding divorce rates among baby boomer couples and the statistic that over 50% of gun-inflicted suicides are by men age 45 and older, we need to have a man-to-man conversation. What’s going on? Yes, we are living longer. When the kids leave the nest, we have the opportunity to start a new life, one that can span more than three decades. But what happens when you look at your significant other and quickly realize that you are at completely different places psychologically. What the Hell do you do? For many, they get divorced or they devolve into a negative, cynical funk that will drown them for the remaining years of their lives. That’s not for me.

I don’t want to be negative and I don’t want to paint all with a broad brush. I’m speaking personally here, but honestly, a lot of the dudes I talk to are in the same situation. Just because the kids are gone and we are getting frequent mail solicitations from AARP does not mean we are dead. This is one hombre who’s not ready to hang up his spurs. I know who I am and I’m making no apologies. By the way, don’t ask me to change, accept me for who I am, warts and all. As I recently read, don’t change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that someone is you. Cut your spouse some slack as well; let her be who she is. On the flipside, expect the same. If after multiple decades of marriage you can’t accept each other for your differences, then parting ways may be the only path to happiness.

Crap, I can’t dance around this anymore, what about sex?! Newsflash, adults are having sex in their later years in life. Hell, my mother-in-law was having sex in her nineties! I loved that woman. What’s interesting is that when we men transition from our younger, immature years where we would do anything to get laid, we all of a sudden reach a point where we won’t compromise our self respect for a roll in the hay. If every time we have sex we feel as if our significant other is cooperating out of obligation, it’s just not fun. Actually, it’s humiliating. This brings me to a second adage; don’t have sex with anyone unless they want it as much as you do. Sex is as important to your mental and physical health as food. If you’ve resigned yourself to a sexless life watching The Voice on TV, then committing suicide becomes more understandable. I’m not minimizing the tragedy of someone taking their life, but a life without excitement, passion and hope is a very dark place to be. What are your thoughts and experiences? I want to hear.

#sex