Owning It

The last week has not gone smoothly. We all have periods where frustrations and moods swing wildly. At times you feel lost and unhappy. As an older man, it is difficult to share these feelings with others. Or should I say, its difficult to find others who you trust to listen sincerely and not offer unsolicited advice. It’s a guy thing, which is not to justify withdrawal but recognize its cultural and societal underpinnings. It’s just not how us guys operate.

It is in these times that you must check yourself so not to project these feelings on others. Sure, people get into bad moods and become a little touchy. Sure, your shortness in patience and tolerance can become another person’s shrapnel. That’s human nature. But for me, I navigate these feelings by projecting my frustrations and blame on others, especially my wife. It’s because of their lack of support and respect that I suffer these disappointments and failures. At least that’s the story I tell myself.

An honest, one-on-one conversation with yourself will begin to highlight the erroneous nature of your beliefs. Sure, an attempt to share your thoughts with those close to you can quickly be redirected as a conversation about others dreams and frustrations. Trying to share your thirst for bold, new challenges and pursuits can quickly be questioned or challenged for their potential impacts on what others want and expect. You continually and privately dream of new “side-hustles only to be abandoned because the absence of a familial support network makes your journey unnavigable. Someone must be blamed for this, and it surely isn’t me, or is it?

The truth is, if I fail to pursue an idea or dream, that failure is on me. If I have a hunger for a new adventure and subsequently abandon the idea, that’s also on me. If there is a side hustle that I’d like to test, my next step should not be predicated on a chorus of support from those around me. If I can’t achieve my fitness goals, it’s only because those cocktails at night or the chips in the cupboard are stronger than me. If I fail to progress in my guitar playing, it’s for no other reason than my lack of practice discipline. I must own my shortcomings and not take the convenient path of blaming others.

It's personal agency and the willingness to stare down the twin thieves of failure and judgement that matter most. Support and belief from those in my life would be nice; however, I must be fully prepared to push forward without it. In the end, I am in charge and failure to move forward is on me. These are the characteristics of a man that earns trust and respect, not a man who whines and blames others for his discontent. It is time to own it, for better or worse.