A Heavy Load

I question if I’ve taken on too much. The journey of a man seeking inspiration and his creative soul can result in more passengers than can be attended to. So, my days are crowded with to-dos and goals, all serving as evidence that I am making progress. But am I? Am I delusional or is this the path of a professional, as described by Pressfield? Or are these examples of the roadblocks thrown at me by my resistance that keeps me away from a singular pursuit that God has embedded in my very being? I long hope for the feeling of peace with the knowledge that I am on the right path.

It's difficult to differentiate between dreams of creativity and the need to earn a living. Are they different or can they be the same? The question is never clear when others depend on you. When the only opinion that matters is the face in the morning mirror, you can be more cavalier with your choices and actions. But I can’t be that way, nor do I want to be. So, your walk is balanced on a fence, being pulled to both sides. Never making a commitment. Never feeling the integrity of your personal agency. Never feeling right in your choices.

Is it possible that my various pursuits are part of a single tapestry? From the myriad of skills and activities I pursue, maybe there is an answer that will surface. Maybe my soul’s creative pursuit is comprised of a complexity of things that are personal to me. Maybe my creative desire is an alchemy of disparate ideas that have yet to meld. To jettison any pursuit in this journey could render the entire process a failure. It’s a risk that I fear, so I push forward. Sometimes faith is all you have. The reasons behind your journey must be reason enough for the questions and lack of clarity.