Your Flame

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There is a tension between the pursuit of a new skill or vision for its own sake, and a pursuit driven by external recognition, validation and admiration. Surely intrinsic motivation is honorable, more authentic as the progressive community would say. Nevertheless, recognition by the outside world is also nice if for no other reason than my fragile ego. But why do I care what others think? That’s a question worthy of a trip to the psychologist’s couch.

If your path points to unchartered waters, you have to expect negativity from the external world. For the record, I include in this external world the very people that should be your greatest cheerleaders including significant other and children. Let’s face it, they are as afraid of change and risk as you are. Consequently, if pushback from the outside is expected, then the pursuit of a new future vision built on the need for external validation is a fool’s path. It’s a journey that will surely meet with disappointment and failure. Thus, many of us spend our lives bouncing from one thing to the next, finding each successive journey encumbered by an increasingly heavy load of self-doubt. Does this sound familiar to you?

Over the past several years, I have spent a considerable amount of time reading and listening to my own voice. I wish I were able to announce that I’ve discovered the magic elixir; nevertheless, my path is becoming increasingly clear. What’s important is these new discoveries are personal, and are not grounded in other’s expectations. Therefore, I argue I am now better equipped to fend off the onslaught of naysayers and Debbie-Downers that are waiting for me around every corner.

We need to maintain a healthy internal dialogue, truly listening to what our hearts are saying. As we think through our life’s options, we need to make sure we understand where the flame is that drives us forward. If the heat comes from the outside, understand what that means; you are allowing the external forces dictate your life’s trajectory. If the heat comes from within, then understand that the flame burns from within your gut and heart. This is a much more sustainable fuel to propel you forward.