My Father's Death
- S. A. Gibbs
- Feb 4, 2017
- 2 min read
There are few certainties in life but the death of your father is one of them. Of course, death in general is a given; however, your father’s death is one of those epochal events that can suspend you in time as you wrestle with a host of feelings, many of them gut wrenching. The inevitable happened to me a few days ago when my sister called to announce my father’s demise. This was not a relationship portrayed in cultural fables of the strong but loving family patriarch. This was a relationship between a father and son, one obviously struggling with demons while the other was grasping for a guiding hand, loving touch and deep wisdom. The ghosts grew in strength and a wall that could never be scaled impeded the possibility of reconnection. This wall will forever haunt me.
I frequently default to the argument that life for a man in my father’s generation was different. After all, men were not expected to be the soft shoulder and calming voice. That was a role relegated to mom, right? Dad’s job was to provide for the family and to hand out discipline when it was deemed necessary. Take the good with the bad. To be fair, my father was a good provider. I never knew what challenges, disappointments and regrets my father had, I just knew I didn’t have to worry about a roof over my head, food on the table and presents under the Christmas tree. Did I take him for granted? Did I show him the love and compassion to be expected by a man who was doing his job? Was he lonely? I will never know.
As I travel through my second stage in life, I have come to believe that the greatest risks in life are those not taken. If I had chosen to scale that wall, would I be embraced by a man grabbing for something to keep him afloat? Conversely, would I simply come face to face with that vacant and cold look I knew so well? I will never know. What I do know is that when the certainty of my death confronts my kids, they will not be asking the same questions. I have learned valuable lessons about being a father and maybe that is my father’s greatest legacy. When I leave this earth I truly hope that I will have the second chance to scale that wall and meet my father face to face. We have a lot to talk about. Dad, I love you. Rest in Peace.
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