Hold Your Thoughts
- S. A. Gibbs
- Jan 9, 2017
- 2 min read
So, what is your daughter studying in college? That was the question posed to me from the father of a young man who went to school with my daughter. Although my daughter’s major was still up in the air, I proclaimed that I really didn’t care as long as she is happy in her career pursuits. With indignation, he responded my career advice was poor, or something to that affect. As he proudly proclaimed, his son is studying accounting and will have a guaranteed job upon his graduation.
Why do we feel so compelled to share unsolicited advice and opinions with others? Do we feel that it is our obligation to enlighten the uninformed or misguided slobs in the world? Or, is it because we are unsure of our own lives and their trajectories? I’m not sure what the answer is; however, I am sure that others should refrain from their proclamations and self-affirming opinions when others are not asking for feedback.
I have frequently read that effective communication skills are based on listening, not talking. Now, at the risk of being seen as a hypocrite, I have to admit that listening is not one of my strong points, although I am trying harder to ferme la bouche. I think the ability to listen is an underdeveloped skill in our western culture. Not only is listening an important skill, so is the ability to ask questions; however, not the type of questions that bleed sarcasm. I’m talking about questions that are driven by the desire to understand others more deeply, including the assumptions and values upon which their thoughts and opinions are based. Who knows, you may be enlightened and modify your own opinions, at least somewhat. At the minimum, you’ve demonstrated respect and appreciation for the individualism of others. And if you still disagree, smile and walk away.
As I see it, there are a lot of unhappy, unfulfilled and angry people out there. I’m sure that many of these people have opinions that they feel are correct. In my opinion, there has never been a better time in our culture to applaud individual agency and the desire to walk paths that are unworn, regardless of the age of the traveler. The freedom to explore is fundamental to happiness and personal growth. Think twice before you throw rocks with your voice.
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