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I once read that when you write, write for yourself, not for others. When you write for the enjoyment of others, you’re focused on creating a marketable product. Somewhere in the process of producing a written product that you think others will want to consume, you lose your way. The last thing I need is to become even more lost, which brings me back to why I write, the feeling of being lost. For me, writing is therapeutic. Maybe somewhere during the process of writing I discover new things about myself or achieve improved clarity about nagging questions. Somewhere out there is a place where my angst dissipates and my writing is the roadmap to find that destination, maybe.

I’ve reached a place in life where nothing is clear anymore. My kids have moved on in their lives and the demands of being a parent have passed, or at least morphed into something different. When you transition from a life driven by the need to provide stability, education and roof over the head of your kids to a life unscripted, a WTF! moment happens. What’s interesting is that there are no ready answers. You have to learn all over again. Your ready to blow-up your life, pursue new ventures, live more simply, read, travel, blah blah blah. As you mull the options, you are hit across the face with the reality that your resources have been depleted to educate your kids, and your wife is not on board. The feelings of being lost are amplified and you become frustrated and angry at the perceived ambivalence of your family and friends. You actually become angry with yourself for allowing this situation to arise. I now understand why the divorce rate is so high for baby boomers.

As you can tell by my previous postings, I am actually very optimistic about the opportunities facing my fellow baby boomers. This is a new world and the gatekeepers that directed our earlier lives have all been diminished in importance. We can do what the fuck we want to do, right? But what is that we want to do and how do we break free from the gravitational pull of a past life? This is what I am struggling with. So, I apologize if you think I’ve been preaching to you in my earlier posts. In reality, I’m talking to myself and hoping to get an answer. Hopefully my listening skills improve in my second phase of life.

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